If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Randomize
