What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Randomize
