Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Randomize
