Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
