dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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