So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
