I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Randomize
