I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
