There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
