i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
You may now shotgun with the bride
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
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