you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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