I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
