This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
I DEMAND FORESKIN
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