ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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