We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
