THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Randomize
