Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
