You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
