So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
