I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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