someone threw a dead crab at me
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
