and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Randomize
