Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
