I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
