dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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