tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
