I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
