he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
