hell yes lets make some ravioli
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
