Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
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