The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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