I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Randomize
