just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
