i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
No...this little piggys going to the bar
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
