final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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