i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
