when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Randomize
