I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
FUCK WHALES
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
