woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Randomize
