your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
