I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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