We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
Randomize
