Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
I AM VODKA MAN
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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