and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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