and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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