Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
