I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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