2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Randomize
