But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
