Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
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